Since no one method will stop every tantrum every time for every child, our experts recommended familiarizing yourself with several different tantrum-taming techniques. Just as every child is different, every tantrum is different, too. In such cases, begin by expressing empathy for your child (and ensuring her safety), and then move on to one of the following time-tested techniques. More challenging are those tantrums that seem to have no physical cause, tantrums triggered by pure frustration - at your cruel refusal to let your toddler run in the street or play with the steak knives. Sometimes the root cause of a tantrum is easily identified and addressed - by taking a moment to rest, for example, or getting a snack. Your child’s tantrum may be an expression of hunger, fatigue, sickness or simply frustration at not getting her way. “With a tantrum, what the child is really doing is trying to communicate something to you in the best way they can,” she said. It’s not that different from when your child was a baby, crying because she was hungry or had a wet diaper. Braaten noted, tantrums are a form of expression.
Possibilities include circumstance (for example, if your child tantrums during an especially stressful morning) or personal experience (“Mom never let me get away with that”). If you’re having trouble keeping your cool, try to take note of why you might be struggling. Pause, and offer your child some loving reassurance. Hershberg suggested reminding yourself that tantrums aren’t personal: It’s not your fault your child is having a tantrum, but it is your responsibility to help guide her out of it. “Not take it and respond to it.” If you’re not calm yourself, she explained, it is much harder for your child to calm down. “Your goal is to reset the temperature,” she told me. Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of “The Tantrum Survival Guide ,” passed along: A parent should be the thermostat, not the thermometer. Once your child is in a safe spot, you can attempt other tantrum-taming methods. “Do whatever gets you out quickly without being emotional yourself.” Ellen Braaten, Ph.D, a psychologist, associate professor at Harvard Medical School and co-director of the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds. “Yes, they might be hitting you or kicking you,” said Dr. The advice to move him also applies if you’re in a public setting - a store, a restaurant, a worship service - where a tantrum would be disruptive. This might seem obvious, but if your child is at risk of harming himself or others, or damaging property, quickly and calmly move him someplace safer. Ensure your child is safe and, if necessary, move him. Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., a psychotherapist, wrote in their book, “The Whole-Brain Child,” children in this age group “haven’t mastered the ability to use logic and words to express their feelings, and they live their lives completely in the moment.” This is why they seem oblivious to your concerns for safety, propriety, punctuality or whatever other reasons you may have for wanting your child to stop or start doing something. Siegel, M.D., a neuropsychiatrist, and Dr. (How would you feel if you wanted a spoon, but couldn’t reach the silverware drawer, and everyone thought you were saying “stool”?) As Dr. Why is that? For one thing, young children lack the physical, motor and language skills to get what they want, which can understandably lead to frustration. They generally begin to occur when children are between 12 and 15 months old, peak between 18 and 36 months, and continue until around age 4, according to the National Association of School Psychologists. Michael Potegal, Ph.D., a psychologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota who researches tantrums. Roughly 85 percent of 2- and 3-year-olds have tantrums, said Dr. Understand that tantrums are normal toddler behavior. One overall takeaway is that tantrums, while unpleasant, are a normal part of child development - which means that learning to manage them (when you can’t prevent them) is an essential component of any parent’s skill set.
But, with a little thoughtful preparation, you can learn to head off many tantrums before they start, and to react as calmly and constructively as possible when your kiddo does melt down.įor this guide, I consulted four child psychologists, along with several psychologist-approved guides to both general discipline and tantrum management. Tantrums can transform parents too, causing us to say and do things we will later regret, like yelling - or, worse, caving in to our children’s demands. Out of nowhere, your mostly polite, mostly well-behaved toddler turns into a monster, stomping and screaming if you don’t meet his demands.
Given how destabilizing tantrums can be, this intensity of parental concern makes sense. Type “how to tame tantrums” into a search engine, and you get hundreds of thousands of results. Tantrums inspire anxiety in many parents.
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